True Colors

I want you to read these words:

I saw this posted in a Facebook group that I am part of (Shout out to the Buddhism Daily Practice group!), and I felt stopped in my tracks. This is me. I am this. I have spent a lifetime hiding the things I perceive as flaws, never giving anyone the chance to love the real me….I’ve hidden her away. Then, when relationships end and I’m feeling blue because they didn’t love me as I was, I have no one to blame but myself – of course they didn’t love me as I was, I didn’t even let who I am out of the box (where I’m safely hidden) to see them. It’s my own damn fault. 😥

In retrospect, I can pinpoint the moments that people got too close and I had to cut bait and run – with some, it happened early…others lasted a long while before I bolted. The reason they lasted? They didn’t look too closely, didn’t ask too many questions, they didn’t grab a shovel and dig.

I may be older but I’m not sure I’ve grown wiser, despite all of the work I’ve done on myself in recent years. I still struggle with transparency, with being open, and with sharing myself with others. I still throw up walls at every opportunity, and I don’t know why. I’m not such a bad person, why must I protect and hold tightly to my truth the way I do? Surely I can’t be the only one who does this, right?