Good Things

Accentuate the Positive

I wrote what’s below about five years ago; I’m so happy to see how far I’ve come in that time. Let’s walk down memory lane together, shall we?

I marvel sometimes at the level of sheer stupidity that walks around us…if you ever need confirmation that you are smarter than the average bear, read the annual Darwin Awards coverage – you’ll feel like a Mensa candidate, guaranteed. I, too, seem to attract more than my share of stupid people and things – and this is something that has got to change. I’m done wasting my time on people who are unworthy. Done. Finished. Kaput. Life is way too damn short – as I have been reminded of too many times. I’ve not a second to waste.

I’m interested in the idea of attraction, and how we can attract the things that we want into our lives. However, my wee brain happens to play host to some ugly-ass little demons with vulgar mouths, so attracting positive things to come my way when I keep hearing a soundtrack of negative thoughts running through my head is really difficult. So, I’ve decided that the best way forward with this is to work on removing the negative things from my life, toss those demons out of my head once and for all, and then I can focus on attracting the good stuff in. It’s a multi-step process, but I’m up for the challenge. 🙂

So….let’s start with some ways to remove negativity from our lives! Now, let me preface this by saying that I am not an expert in this area, and I don’t play one on TV. However, I do seem to have an amazing arsehole sonar that brings all the jerks and jackasses to my yard (in droves), so…I certainly have picked up a few tips to chase them away over the years.

Here are my suggestions:

Don’t spend time with people who are toxic – if you’re related to them and kind of stuck with them, I’m sorry….get in, get the visit over with, and get the hell out. Carry Jackass Repellent in your bag (take a can of Deep Woods Off and make your own Jackass Repellent label – the smell is offensive enough to scare away most people, plus it’s an excellent conversation starter), don’t listen to a word of the crap that spews from their mouths, and just be your usual, awesome self. Don’t spend a second more than you have to around people who harsh your mellow – it’s not worth it.

Set boundaries with everyone in your life, even those you like. In order to get people to respect you, your needs, and your personal space, you must make sure that everyone knows where your personal ‘bubble’ ends. We all put up with too much shit from those around us (says Understatement Queen herself), and the only way out of this kind of hole is to be very clear about your expecations. Stick with them! If you say that you aren’t going to be treated like shit anymore – don’t. It’s as simple as that. Say what you mean and mean what you say. 🙂

Like attracts like, so….find some positive people! Don’t join the Moaning Myrtle Club at your work place – instead, find the most optimistic people around and pull your chair right up beside theirs! Call those people who always have nice things to say to you – and, for the love of all that is sweet and holy, stay the hell away from the chronic complainers!! They suck the life out of EVERYTHING!! For realz!!

Don’t worry about things until they are real – this is rich coming from me, I know. I am the fretting queen, and if catastrophizing was an Olympic sport (is it even a word?), I would be a multiple medallist. However, there really is no point in worrying about things that might happen – that only cultivates further anxiety and misery, and who wants that??! Not this girl! When you find yourself fretting and feeling crappy about what might be, take a moment, step back, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, ‘Is this the hill I choose to die on?’ The answer will likely be no (since nobody really aspires to bite the dust on a hill) – so just let it go. Worry about things when and if they become realities. It’ll save you a lot of misery, heartache — and wrinkles! 😉

Spend as much time as possible doing the things that you enjoy. While I know that very few of us will ever choose to devote our days to housework and other chores, they are necessary evils – but get in, get ’em done, and get out…and do what you love! Read the books you fancy, go to the movies (whether you’ve got a date or not!), window shop, try clothes on your pets (maybe it’s just me that really enjoys doing that….), whatever it is that you like to do, be like a Nike wearer and JUST DO IT. Find ways to do the things that make you the happiest every single day – and, if there are people who try to stop you from doing the fun things, tell them to go to hell. We don’t need that kind of crap in our lives. 🙂 One of the things that I enjoy doing is eating appetizers for dinner while having a night in at home – so, this weekend, this is what I shall do! I will hit up Trader Joe’s for all of my favorite yummy goodies, I will put on some of my favorite movies, cuddle up on the couch with candles going and vino in my hand, and just eat, drink, and be merry to my heart’s content. It will be AWESOME! 🙂

Fill your home with things that make you happy, and focus on making your abode a happy sanctuary where you want to spend your time. Surround yourself with pictures of happy times and people you love, paint your walls whatever bloody color you please (if you fancy having a bright orange bathroom, I highly recommend it – one of my amigas from Canada did this in her casa, and it’s positively STUNNING!! Gorgeous – just like her!), have treasures all around you, and let your heart feel super-happy when you lay eyes on them. In mi casa, I have rose quartz crystals all over the house (there are dozens of them, no lie) – they look pretty, they remind me to feel the love that’s all around…and I love them. Yaaa! 🙂 I recently repainted/redid my bedroom, and I’m crazy for it – I still need to finish hanging pictures and sprucing the place up, but so far so good. I love it! 🙂 I didn’t do anything big or fancy, but the vibe in the room has somehow changed, and I’ve been sleeping SO MUCH BETTER lately – woohoo!! Mission accomplished!!! 🙂

Try to love what you do for a living. This one has been a struggle for me over the years – I’ve always loved the work that I did, but I wasn’t always enthralled by the locations where I did it. Thankfully this changed dramatically a couple of years ago when I was hired in my current position. Even though there are days when I am as annoyed as a person could possibly be at my job, I have never stopped loving what I do, and I have never stopped loving where I do it. When I was stuck in my miserable jobs, I worked like a friggin’ mo’fo to get out of there, and I eventually did. Was it easy? God, no!! Was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!! If you aren’t happy where you are, do everything in your power – and then some – to change it. We spend more time at our jobs than we do anywhere else (at least I do), so it had better be somewhere that we don’t mind to be. Do what you love, and love what you do – and you’ll never work a day in your life. It’s the truth. 🙂

How do you combat the negativity that seems to thrive everywhere around us these days? What do you do to make your home a retreat from the madness of the world around you? I can’t wait to hear from you – hit me up with some comments! 🙂 xxx

I’m so happy to report that I have made SIGNIFICANT progress with this over the past few years – wow. It’s humbling to see how far I’ve come – we should all find ways to check in with ourselves like this, you know? I have become greatly more discriminating when it comes to how I spend my time – if I don’t enjoy someone’s company, I don’t see them. Simple as that. Of course the pandemic has helped with this considerably, but I was already well on my way. I’ve learned how to say no to people and mean it, and I’m really getting good at setting boundaries. I rarely have to deal with toxic people anymore (apart from the ones in my family), and I minimize contact and always approach like Teflon, ensuring that their bullshit bounces straight off me. And it feels GREAT. Highly recommend!

I’ve tried finding others who are as positive as me, and while that has presented some challenges, I am making progress. Being around optimism is EXHILARATING, and we all need to do it more often.

Same thing with focusing on things that make you happy – I’ve struggled with doing what I think I should do, or being what I think others want me to be for years…and been so miserable. I’ve made real headway with this one in the past couple of years – I’ve taken up painting which I love, I’m signed up for Transcendental Meditation training this weekend (SO excited!), all sorts of things designed to make just me happy….and I’m so much a better person for it. Funny how that works, eh?

I would love to hear from you, and hear what you do to focus on YOU – drop me a line, friends! ♥️

Xxx

Good Things

Hard Advice

I just want to share this article with you – please read it, carefully, and let the words soak into your brain. There’s good stuff here:

19 Radical Truths I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

by Fran Sorin

Something happens to a woman when she turns 50. Call it an awakening of sorts—a tipping point. For me, it was as if a cloud had been lifted and I could finally see what really mattered in life. The realization hit me hard. I’d been on this earth for a half a century and my time was limited. This coming of age, for me, came with a feeling of freedom and urgency. It’s a time to take stock of your life: where you’ve succeeded and where you’ve failed, opportunities you’ve passed up and those you’ve taken advantage of. Ask yourself what you love and what you want to change. How do you want to journey through this next phase of your life?Reflecting on my younger years, I wished an older, wiser woman had taken the time to help me create a road map for a life of meaning, creativity, and joy.It would have saved me a lot of time, confusion, and worry. And it would have given me clarity, a sense of calm, focus, and self-assuredness as I journeyed through this very complex world of ours. With that in mind, here are some of the things I would’ve liked to tell myself a few decades ago:

1. You have to be your own top priority.If you tend to your own well-being first, you’ll have much more energy to help others. Because women have historically taken on the role of caretakers, it’s something we do reflexively. Remember that practicing self-care is not selfish. It’s a necessity if you want to lead a rich and productive life.

2. Nothing is worth sacrificing your health.Although our culture talks a lot about de-stressing, the majority of us are still leading stressful lives. When you realize that most diseases are related to lifestyle choices, you might get serious about integrating exercise, nutrition, and relationships into your daily life. You’ll be astounded by how much more productive, positive, and healthy you feel.

3. The people around you should be those who love you and support your growth.How many times have you spent time with a friend or family member who is negative, judgmental, or an energy vampire? Stop making excuses for the toxic people in your life. Anyone who is consistently negative needs to be kept at a distance. Your five closest friends are a mirror of what you truly think of yourself. Make sure that they embody attributes and values you cherish.

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4. To get anywhere, you have to get comfortable with saying no.It takes practice to catch yourself if you tend to say yes out of habit. But once you get the hang of it, you’ll be delighted to see how much time and energy you have to pursue your passions.

5. Don’t let anyone else’s perception influence your choices.People who fill their lives up with stuff they think they “should” do rarely feel fulfilled. Replace “I should” with “I choose to” or “I want” and see what you come up with. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results. Spending time chasing the approval of others will not only drain your energy but will keep you from uncovering the best parts of yourself. When you catch yourself in self-doubt, call on your wise inner self to remind yourself that you only need to please and receive approval from yourself—no one else.

6. Doubts hold you back; affirmations propel you forward.Women spend so much time questioning whether or not they’re good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. As soon as you hear that inner critic, replace that voice with the phrase, “I am enough” or “I am the artist of my life.” I can’t tell you how many clients have tried this technique with astounding results. They report back to me that they feel like a weight has been lifted off of their shoulders and that their self-perception has been dramatically improved.

7. There’s always time to be still.Our culture places a high priority on productivity and keeping busy. If you give yourself 15 minutes of quiet time the morning, you’ll start your day from a centered, calm state, so that no matter what happens you’ll be able to respond thoughtfully rather than react instinctively.

8. You need to become a person you can love before you try to love anyone else.Look at yourself in your bathroom mirror each morning and say “Good morning. I love you.” It may sound hokey, but the more you do it, the more you’ll come to appreciate who you really are. You’ll discover internal beauty and great self-love by making this one small change.

9. Gratitude really does change your life.Develop a daily gratitude practice. It takes five minutes. I love sitting with a notebook and taking stock of what I’m grateful for each morning. Whatever comes to my mind, I write down in a quick list format. The key is to allow yourself to experience the feeling of gratitude. For example, if you’re truly grateful for the delicious cup of coffee you’re drinking, take a deep breath and sink into the sensation of appreciation you feel for that cup of coffee.

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10. It’s cool to be your own best friend.Becoming familiar with your moods, motivations, and deepest desires is critical if you want to live a meaningful, abundant, and productive life. Rather than walking through your day mindlessly, check in with yourself every few hours. How do you feel? If you have a strong negative reaction to something, take note of it. Figure out why. Notice when you feel pleasure, fun, joy, spirituality, and creativity: Being aware of these positive experiences means you can find ways to incorporate more of them into your life.

11. You are responsible for yourself—and only yourself.Blaming external circumstances for your unhappiness will only perpetuate it. Instead, when you find yourself bemoaning the state of the world, affirm to yourself, “I am responsible for my own life and I choose to create an extraordinary one.”

12. You need to believe in your own abilities.Once you own that you have the power and ability to create a life that you deeply desire, you’ll experience—deep in your soul—the power you possess, which, in turn, will inspire you to make changes. You’ll also understand that there is a solution to practically every issue and that you have the ability to figure out what that solution is.

13. You’ll always learn more from listening than you will from talking.Whether with an old friend, a stranger, a family member, or in business, learn the art of listening. Becoming an excellent listener will enable you to develop more intimate and deeper connections. You’ll also have more interesting conversations and it will keep your mind active and growing.

14. Curiosity is the key to never being bored (or obsolete).We live in a culture that places a high priority on expertise and productivity. If you want to live a rich, creative life, you need to expose yourself to new concepts and practices. And even in areas you’ve been exploring for years, there’s always more to learn. Let go of perfectionism. Be willing to fail. It will reveal so many possibilities.

15. Hatred costs everything. Forgiveness costs nothing.So many of us hold deep grudges indefinitely. Often, an inability to forgive others is a sign you struggle to forgive yourself. Catch your inner voice making critical or angry comments about others, and acknowledge that what you’re feeling toward them is actually a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Just by noting these feelings and reminding yourself to let them go, you’ll begin to dissolve these feelings of anger and judgment. You’ll experience a rush of positive energy, relief, openheartedness, and compassion.

16. Spending 20 minutes a day in nature is one of the best things you can do for yourself.It’s a profound way to de-stress, clear your mind of clutter, jump-start creativity, and experience feelings of well-being, calm, and awe. Take just a few minutes a day to awaken your senses and you’ll reap magical benefits in all areas of your life.

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17. You’re much better off doing one thing really well than three things poorly.We’ve been led to believe that success means multitasking all day long. When you slow down and practice being present and focused each moment, you’ll experience a deeper, richer, and more meaningful life. Try this: Stop whatever you’re doing, sit still, clear your mind, and take three deep breaths. Then start again.

18. “Life is far too important to be taken seriously.”OK, so I borrowed that one from Oscar Wilde. Life is a paradox. Knowing how to integrate fun, laughter, and playfulness into your pursuit of a meaningful life will jump-start your creativity and enable you to develop deeper connections. Think about it: After you’ve had a good laugh, don’t you feel more light-hearted, happier, and able to continue your day with more ease?

19. Your job here is simple: to create the life of your dreams.We all have moments of self-doubt. In those moments, let your wiser self remind you that you’re highly intelligent and creative. All it takes to make a difference is the desire and drive to keep making it happen. If you set your mind to it, believe in yourself, and take action, you’ll always find a way to create an extraordinary life. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Great, right? I have come to a lot of these conclusions myself, but it’s only in the past few years that I’ve found my way to this knowledge – imagine how different my story would’ve been had someone told me this when I was younger? Although, I likely wouldn’t have listened, but…still. It might have been nice to have the advice. 😉

xxx

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Steal My Sunshine

I had a tough day recently which started with someone close to me telling me that they felt a shift in my energy and that I was off, asking what was wrong. This was all news to me as I was in the middle of living yet another kick-ass day, so I replied that I was good, all was well, that I wasn’t sure what was meant by me being ´off ´. A fair response, yes? I was then met with: ´You don’t know? Oh, really? Alrighty.’ Gotta be honest, friends….this exchange (via text, yet) REALLY pissed me off. Big time….and I don’t often get angry. Grr.

A few short hours later (after my sparkly morning continued to deteriorate by my supervisor trying to pick an argument with me – I refused to take part so she had to give up), I saw this little gem:

Brilliant, eh??? I KNOW!!!! It’s true!! Whatever was being perceived had bugger-all to do with me, and everything to do with the perceiver…which is okay. I don’t have to own it, I certainly don’t have to feel badly about it – because I did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. It’s like a twist on the old adage ‘What others think of me is none of my business’ – I’m just gonna keep on doing me, and let others work their own issues out. Yaa me! ✨

What’s rockin’ your world today, friends?

Xxx

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To Make You Feel My Love

You know what this world needs? More love. The kind of love where your picture is on their phone as both their wallpaper AND their screensaver. REAL love. Some of us express it well – others, not so much. Psychology Today offers this suggested list for those people: 10 Ways to Express Love

Keep love alive from wedding day to every day with spouse, family, and friends. Love is a choice as much as it is a feeling or a decision. Those who give love receive love. Recently we have seen research talking about conflict resolution and conflict recovery in terms of lasting romantic relationships. Each of the studies had me rethinking the work of Elizabeth Schoenfeld, a researcher at the University of Texas, Austin, who revealed that men and woman show love through affection – but that each takes a different tact.Wives did so “by enacting fewer negative or antagonistic behaviors, husbands showed love by initiating sex, sharing leisure activities, and doing household work together with their wives.” Love Knows No Gender Difference – Health Information – Brigham and Women’s Hospital.

Ten Ways to Express Love

Here are 10 ways to express love to your special someone, your friends, family, children. By expressing love we bring ourselves joy knowing that love is not just a Valentine moment, but an ongoing, free flowing experience that enriches our lives.

Express gratitude. Tell someone how much you appreciate their presence in your life.

Send flowers for no reason other than to say “Thank you for being you.”

Set aside time to give the gift of listening. Make a date if you must, in your own home or at a quiet little neighborhood place, for coffee or a drink and just listen to each other’s thoughts.

Keep anger at bay. During stressful times think of this image. If an ember flies from a fireplace onto your rug, it will burn a hole. Flick it off immediately and the rug is safe.

Be thoughtfully generous with gifts. Remember what is special about a person in your life and buy gifts that are unique to them. I had to forgo a trip to Paris because it conflicted with a business meeting in San Diego. My sister purchased a designer umbrella picturing the Seine, the Pont Neuf, and the Eiffel Tower as a reminder that there will always be another time for Paris.

Order fortune cookies with love sayings or Italian Baci candies with love notes and keep a glass jar in your home filled with them. You might also intersperse with gratitude sayings.

Offer an act of kindness. Say to your love or someone you care about, “What can I do for you today that will make your life easier and less stressful?” Then do it.

Write a note and send it via the U.S. Mail. Here’s a simple start: “I am so grateful that you are in my life. I love you for a million reasons.

Make time to be together for events that bring you both pleasure.

Be forgiving. We all have quirks. When one surfaces that makes you want to scream, either gently say something or switch to the positive-quality channel.

In the book, “Around the Year with Emmet Fox: A Book of Daily Readings,” Fox challenges us to make this commitment by saying: “I have chosen the path of Love. My own heart is to be my workshop, my laboratory, my great enterprise, and love is to be my contribution to humanity.”

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All of these are good ideas, most of them not exactly earth shattering…but I am pretty crazy about the idea of the “positive-quality channel” – I kind of love that, don’t you? It’s so easy (way too easy) to get sucked into the negativity drain that seems to be everywhere around us, instead of focusing on the things that are going right. This is something that I have been working so hard on – I don’t know if I’m making progress or not, but I am trying. I really took it to heart when I heard this gem: is it better to be right or to be happy? I’ve always HAD to be right (because I usually am 😜)…being right mattered so much. I wanted to be the smart one who does everything right – and I’ve no idea why I ever cared. Being right fills me with indignant satisfaction, which can feel nice in the moment – but happy makes me fuzzy and lasts a much longer time. I like happy.

Wherever you go today, I hope that you are loving someone…and that they are loving you. Out loud. With a picture of you on their phone and everything. 🙂

Xxx

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I Will Remember You

How do you want to be remembered? As a good friend/spouse/child? Good at your job? Tons of fun to be around?

I was asked to prepare a document outlining who would do my job duties if I was incapacitated. Once I got past the morbidity of the whole thing, I realized I was sitting down to craft my work will – everybody laughed when I called it that, but the term fits. It felt weird detailing who would take over for me if I wasn’t there, and what steps I had put in place to ensure a seamless transition. In times like the ones we are living in now, we never really know when things will turn and we won’t be at work the next day – so I guess it’s good for companies to put plans like this in place. However morbid it may feel.

I started thinking about the rest of my life – and, while I’ve got a real will in place for the big stuff already, I have NOT taken care of a lot of the small planning. For example, I need to line someone up to clear my browser history and handle my social media stuff. I also need someone to come and burn the box of notebooks I’ve got in my closet – my daughter DEFINITELY doesn’t need to work her way through that pile of way too much information!!! It’s those little things that I think about, the things that I’ve guarded and kept to myself – things that don’t need to become common knowledge upon my demise! Mind you, I guess if I’m dead, will it really matter? Hmm….

How do you want to be remembered? I will remember you fondly, I promise! ✨♥️🌟