Good Things

Open Book

I’ve never been a fan of Jessica Simpson’s music – I didn’t have anything against her, but she just wasn’t on my listening radar. I didn’t see her show on MTV either, but I was certainly aware of it (of the chicken v. tuna controversy, I recall exclaiming at the time that she had to be putting that shit on for TV as nobody could be grown and not know the difference between chicken and tuna). She was always covered in the magazines and pop culture media, so I suppose that my first real awareness of her came from the press discussing how “fat” she was, which I couldn’t understand for the life of me. Fat? Excuse me?? In what world was that tiny little slip of a woman fat? What bullshit. It’s no wonder that the majority of women these days are raised to hate themselves – the media can be so vile.

Anyway, I came across her book recently and decided to check it out – and, somewhat surprisingly, I’m so glad that I did. She tells the tale of her life with bracing honesty, something that is frankly refreshing as hell. She admits to feelings of jealousy and to her own shitty behavior in a way that so many celebs avoid…I loved that. She shared excerpts of her journals (I don’t think I would be brave enough to broadcast some of the tales I’ve committed to the page of my journals over the years!), she talked frequently about the process of journaling and what that’s meant to her – all good stuff.

I can’t imagine a life like hers – she has taken her GED, singing talent, and good looks and managed to make all of that into a billion dollar business. I respect the shit out of that, you know? Some folks have the kind of mind that sees opportunity at every door…I am sadly not that kind of folk. I LONG for a way to make a living that’s not ‘working for the man’…I want to work for myself, find things that are exhilarating and fulfilling – and make enough money to live comfortably without worry. I haven’t found that thing for me yet, and, at the ripe old age of 47, I fear that I never will. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, and I think it may be too late to forge a new path and start a new career, which stinks. I’ve got about 18-20 years of working left (that’s so gross…I wish I was on the Freedom 55 retirement plan!), and I would like for them to be pleasant, enriching years for me. I just don’t think that’s going to happen. 😔

By choosing education – and now education within the non-profit arena – I’ve guaranteed myself a life that will never be rich. I won’t have the million(s) needed for retirement unless I win a lotto, which seems rather unlikely, sadly. I know that I can take great personal satisfaction in the work that I’ve done and the difference I’ve made – and I do – but some compensation would be nice. ♥️

Instead, I will continue to dream of working for myself, of coming up with one really good idea that sets the world on fire 🔥, that one thing that will get me out of this rut of making ends meet and catapult me into a life of less stress and so much more fulfillment. Until then? I’m going to keep dreaming. That idea is out there waiting for me, I just know it. ✨