Good Things

Wannabe

All those years ago (more than I care to count), modern-day prophets The Spice Girls sang, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends) / Make it last forever friendship never ends,  / If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give, / Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.” Deep stuff, eh? I know. If you take these words as gospel (and I don’t know why you wouldn’t), you would think that it would be super-easy to win a woman’s heart, right? Wrong. It’s much more difficult than this. However, prepare yourself, friends…I have found the definitive list of things that need to happen in order to win the woman of your dreams (or me, whichever) – this list is GOLD. For realz.

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According to this article, these are the things that women want – and, to be frank with you, these are EXACTLY THE THINGS THAT I WANT!! The article is right!!! Woohoo!!!! Give it a read! 🙂

1. Humility For most men, our competitive nature and desire to get ahead leave our ego to lead the way. We are constantly trying to prove our worth to ourselves and others, trying to be seen as better than others. In relationships, this is a losing proposition. Women don’t want conceited, aloof, or jealous men. Women want humility, equality, and decency. They don’t want to be put on a pedestal, but they don’t want to be demeaned or looked down upon either.

2. Vulnerability This is something we try to hide, suppress, and run away from. While women don’t necessarily want us to wear our emotions on our sleeves, they do want us to share what’s bothering us. If we’re feeling stressed or upset about something, they appreciate hearing from us. It shows them that we trust them enough to share our emotions. It may be hard for you to do because you’ve not practiced being vulnerable, but the more you open up, the more appreciative the woman in your life will be.

3. Emotional awareness Women appreciate a man who can sit comfortably with his emotions and be open to discussing issues without yelling or running away. Our emotional maturity and growth are what women want from us more than anything else. So, be willing to listen without judgment or trying to resolve a situation. Listening helps her let go of strong feelings that might be holding her down. You don’t have to solve a problem either—just listen with your presence and your understanding.

4. Attention How often are you multitasking when you talk to the women in your life? How often are you working when conversing with them? Women cherish the quality time they spend with us. They want us to be attentive and show up fully when we are with them. When you’re spending time with women, focus! Carve out time when you’re with the women in your life and be as attentive as you were when initially dating.

5. Gentleness It’s not in our nature to be soft and gentle. We grow up learning to value roughness and competitiveness. But when it comes to our relationships, gentleness in words, thoughts, and actions will save the day. Treat women with respect. Be kind. Speak softly.

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6. Love in action While “I love you” is one way to communicate your love, women want to see our love in action. This means showing up for them, planning things with them, and being present with them. Your quality time, presence, and involvement is what women want more than sweet nothings and chocolates. Love in action means being thoughtful, considerate, forgiving, and compromising. Say loving words, yes, but also show it with your actions.

7.Affection Along the lines of love in action, how about some romance? Women like the small things, the thoughtful gestures that show them that we’re thinking about them. Yes, this could be an unexpected text, doing something for someone that’s important to them, picking up their favorite food or running an errand without being asked. It also means a gift for no reason, a greeting card telling her how you feel about her, a love note on the mirror, or a simple lunch date during the workweek.

8. Appreciation So much of what both people do in a relationship goes unnoticed. Couples are quick to pounce on each other with complaints and disagreements but hardly share what they value about their partner. Women usually juggle many things at once and are often taken for granted. Letting her know that you appreciate what she’s doing or that you’re noticing her many sacrifices will help her feel valued and cared for.

9. Acceptance Instead of challenging, making fun of, or questioning the woman in your life, why not accept her? Unconditionally. Don’t point out her flaws, don’t complain about particular traits, or make her feel bad about something she’s already feeling bad about. Women are used to feeling judged. If we simply drop the judgments and accept women unconditionally, we will help them feel loved and safe in our presence.

10. Strength Women appreciate our strength. This doesn’t necessarily mean we need to go out there and beat up someone who got on her bad side or rush to solve every problem that comes her way. A gentle strength simply means listening to her, validating what she’s experiencing, and reminding her that she has the courage and ability to deal with whatever life situations arise. Letting your partner know that you’re there for support but that she’s got this is often all the strength she needs to go forward.

11. Straightforwardness We don’t tend to overthink things or complicate things. We worry less about what others think and don’t spend too much time projecting the unknown. Continue to keep things light by finding the simple answer in complex situations and bringing that healthy perspective to any problem.

12. Humor Life’s too serious already. Women want to laugh. Humor is a great way to reduce tension. If you’re a funny guy, play up the humor in your relationship. If you’re not the humorous type, work on finding what you find funny and share that with your partner. Laughter, more than love, is the shortest distance between two hearts.

YES!!! Isn’t that brilliant???! I KNOW!!! The part about acceptance? Awesome!!! Appreciation?? Affection???! Gorgeous stuff!!!! This list really is great – and, if you’re a dude reading this, please use these strategies to make your woman feel special. It’ll be worth it, I promise. 🙂 xxx

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Steal My Sunshine

I had a tough day recently which started with someone close to me telling me that they felt a shift in my energy and that I was off, asking what was wrong. This was all news to me as I was in the middle of living yet another kick-ass day, so I replied that I was good, all was well, that I wasn’t sure what was meant by me being ´off ´. A fair response, yes? I was then met with: ´You don’t know? Oh, really? Alrighty.’ Gotta be honest, friends….this exchange (via text, yet) REALLY pissed me off. Big time….and I don’t often get angry. Grr.

A few short hours later (after my sparkly morning continued to deteriorate by my supervisor trying to pick an argument with me – I refused to take part so she had to give up), I saw this little gem:

Brilliant, eh??? I KNOW!!!! It’s true!! Whatever was being perceived had bugger-all to do with me, and everything to do with the perceiver…which is okay. I don’t have to own it, I certainly don’t have to feel badly about it – because I did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. It’s like a twist on the old adage ‘What others think of me is none of my business’ – I’m just gonna keep on doing me, and let others work their own issues out. Yaa me! ✨

What’s rockin’ your world today, friends?

Xxx

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To Make You Feel My Love

You know what this world needs? More love. The kind of love where your picture is on their phone as both their wallpaper AND their screensaver. REAL love. Some of us express it well – others, not so much. Psychology Today offers this suggested list for those people: 10 Ways to Express Love

Keep love alive from wedding day to every day with spouse, family, and friends. Love is a choice as much as it is a feeling or a decision. Those who give love receive love. Recently we have seen research talking about conflict resolution and conflict recovery in terms of lasting romantic relationships. Each of the studies had me rethinking the work of Elizabeth Schoenfeld, a researcher at the University of Texas, Austin, who revealed that men and woman show love through affection – but that each takes a different tact.Wives did so “by enacting fewer negative or antagonistic behaviors, husbands showed love by initiating sex, sharing leisure activities, and doing household work together with their wives.” Love Knows No Gender Difference – Health Information – Brigham and Women’s Hospital.

Ten Ways to Express Love

Here are 10 ways to express love to your special someone, your friends, family, children. By expressing love we bring ourselves joy knowing that love is not just a Valentine moment, but an ongoing, free flowing experience that enriches our lives.

Express gratitude. Tell someone how much you appreciate their presence in your life.

Send flowers for no reason other than to say “Thank you for being you.”

Set aside time to give the gift of listening. Make a date if you must, in your own home or at a quiet little neighborhood place, for coffee or a drink and just listen to each other’s thoughts.

Keep anger at bay. During stressful times think of this image. If an ember flies from a fireplace onto your rug, it will burn a hole. Flick it off immediately and the rug is safe.

Be thoughtfully generous with gifts. Remember what is special about a person in your life and buy gifts that are unique to them. I had to forgo a trip to Paris because it conflicted with a business meeting in San Diego. My sister purchased a designer umbrella picturing the Seine, the Pont Neuf, and the Eiffel Tower as a reminder that there will always be another time for Paris.

Order fortune cookies with love sayings or Italian Baci candies with love notes and keep a glass jar in your home filled with them. You might also intersperse with gratitude sayings.

Offer an act of kindness. Say to your love or someone you care about, “What can I do for you today that will make your life easier and less stressful?” Then do it.

Write a note and send it via the U.S. Mail. Here’s a simple start: “I am so grateful that you are in my life. I love you for a million reasons.

Make time to be together for events that bring you both pleasure.

Be forgiving. We all have quirks. When one surfaces that makes you want to scream, either gently say something or switch to the positive-quality channel.

In the book, “Around the Year with Emmet Fox: A Book of Daily Readings,” Fox challenges us to make this commitment by saying: “I have chosen the path of Love. My own heart is to be my workshop, my laboratory, my great enterprise, and love is to be my contribution to humanity.”

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All of these are good ideas, most of them not exactly earth shattering…but I am pretty crazy about the idea of the “positive-quality channel” – I kind of love that, don’t you? It’s so easy (way too easy) to get sucked into the negativity drain that seems to be everywhere around us, instead of focusing on the things that are going right. This is something that I have been working so hard on – I don’t know if I’m making progress or not, but I am trying. I really took it to heart when I heard this gem: is it better to be right or to be happy? I’ve always HAD to be right (because I usually am 😜)…being right mattered so much. I wanted to be the smart one who does everything right – and I’ve no idea why I ever cared. Being right fills me with indignant satisfaction, which can feel nice in the moment – but happy makes me fuzzy and lasts a much longer time. I like happy.

Wherever you go today, I hope that you are loving someone…and that they are loving you. Out loud. With a picture of you on their phone and everything. 🙂

Xxx

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True Colors

I want you to read these words:

I saw this posted in a Facebook group that I am part of (Shout out to the Buddhism Daily Practice group!), and I felt stopped in my tracks. This is me. I am this. I have spent a lifetime hiding the things I perceive as flaws, never giving anyone the chance to love the real me….I’ve hidden her away. Then, when relationships end and I’m feeling blue because they didn’t love me as I was, I have no one to blame but myself – of course they didn’t love me as I was, I didn’t even let who I am out of the box (where I’m safely hidden) to see them. It’s my own damn fault. 😥

In retrospect, I can pinpoint the moments that people got too close and I had to cut bait and run – with some, it happened early…others lasted a long while before I bolted. The reason they lasted? They didn’t look too closely, didn’t ask too many questions, they didn’t grab a shovel and dig.

I may be older but I’m not sure I’ve grown wiser, despite all of the work I’ve done on myself in recent years. I still struggle with transparency, with being open, and with sharing myself with others. I still throw up walls at every opportunity, and I don’t know why. I’m not such a bad person, why must I protect and hold tightly to my truth the way I do? Surely I can’t be the only one who does this, right?

Xxx

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The Way

Read this in the New York Times Modern Love feature Tiny Love Stories, and it busted me right open:

After Hazel and I got married at the ages of 20 and 21, I questioned our judgment in choosing to marry so young. When we had a baby soon after, I wondered how I could possibly support a family. In our mid-40s, I thought we were too young to become grandparents, though our grandchildren are lovely. Then when Hazel passed away at 50 from the coronavirus, I finally realized why we got married so young: We weren’t meant to grow old together. And I am grateful for our time. — Sean Luke Dado

So beautiful. Sending love and hugs to Sean. ♥️